By Dave Davis
For Variety

LET’S kick off the new year with some conundrums that lately hold my attention. Firstly, I just can’t get my mind around how GovGuam employees accused and convicted of crimes get away with so much. The DOC guy charged with pushing his wife off the Adelup cliffline kept his job while on “administrative leave” (heaven forbid he should miss a payday), the San Nicholas woman charged with stealing from a contractor in her official capacity with the Department of Labor was ‘allowed to retire’, dirty cop Tenneson was likewise “allowed to retire”, though he reportedly had only 15 years on the force — what gives here? Why are we so reluctant to punish those who commit crimes against the community? Why should taxpayers subsidize their leave or retirement while they await whatever legal action is coming down the pike? GovGuam badly needs a system with teeth to deter criminal behavior—perhaps something like the one that works so well in the military. A military member convicted of an offense of sufficient gravity loses all rights and privileges, including retirement pay and benefits, and most likely gets some jail time along with a dishonorable discharge. GovGuam coddles its wayward employees to an incredible extent, which may have something to do with their uncommon proclivity for upholding the “Island of Thieves” tradition. Next subject: what’s with this constant whining from activists about the imminent demise of the Chamorro people? According to year 2000 census demographic data, it’s clear that the Chamorro tribe is in no immediate danger. Nearly 100,000 have fled Guam and now live in other parts of the nation. Are they all missionaries, spreading and preserving culture and sampling the suffering and oppression available in other venues? Or are they just reasonable people in search of decent jobs and acceptable levels of basic services like public education, health and safety? You decide. Can’t say I blame ’em. Things don’t look all that great around here lately. Last but certainly not least: what’s with the delay in getting the political status plebiscite, now in political limbo after the fifth postponement in eight years, before the voters? There’s the usual whining from the handful of malcontent activists who’d have us believe there’s some dire federal conspiracy to prevent a self-determination vote while in fact they, and those they support, are the true obstacle. It probably hasn’t occurred to them that domestic political squabbling in Guam isn’t necessarily high on the critical national policy issues list. We heard failed gubernatorial candidate Gutierrez and his running mate, B. J. Cruz, declare on local talk radio that “enhanced” political status for Guam was one of their platform priorities. They didn’t elaborate. Where, then, was Mr. Gutierrez during his eight years as governor and chairman of the Guam Commission on Decolonization? Did he not have ample authority, time and opportunity to move ahead with the process? Don’t be fooled. He doesn’t want it to happen either. His temporarily more successful opponent Robert Underwood said he’d be “more proactive” on the issue, whatever that means, while incumbent Camacho avoids the issue like the plague. The truth about the political status vote is this: barring drastic changes to discriminatory local legislation, it’s status quo forever. Learn to live with it.