By Samuel Gugliotta
For Variety

THE 18th century philosopher, Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778) made a distinction between “self love” (amour de soi), and “selfish love” (amour propre).
“Amour de soi” refers to the natural instinct for self-preservation, and is a healthy kind of self-love. However, through negative social influences, “amour de soi” may degenerate into “amour propre,” which is a kind of egotism that results in a thirst for power, greed and vanity. In the words of Ernst Cassirer, “It is such egotism which causes man to turn tyrant against nature and even against himself. It awakens in him wants and passions which natural man knew nothing of, and it also provides him with new means with which he can gratify these desires and passions without restraint.”
With the exception of those who suffer from severe depression or low self-esteem, most of us are our best lovers. Sociological data show that most people think highly of themselves, no matter what. We think we are better than others, that we have the power to influence and control our environment, that the future will be rosy, and that there is no one else we would rather be than our glorious “me.”
Such beliefs are illusions (it is logically impossible that everyone is better than everyone else, etc.), but at the same time they may be necessary and helpful illusions. Those who are able to bolster their self-esteem and maintain the fantasy of how “cool,” “groovy,” and “wonderful” they are tend to lead happier lives and function more efficaciously than those who don’t. Moreover, we tend to seek situations and relationships which mutually reinforce these illusions, and avoid situations which contradict them.
At one time it was thought that mental health was a function of our ability to see reality as it really is, and not as we wish it to be. However, recent research has shown that false beliefs about ourselves are more conducive to a healthy life style than otherwise.
Yet the question arises as to how to maintain a healthy self-esteem and avoid the negative consequences of egotism or “amour proper”? Moreover, how may a person grow spiritually and emotionally if he or she thinks they are “perfect?” How does self love or narcissism allow for the acceptance of criticism, change, and compassion?
One way is embedded in the transition of the popular saying, “I’m OK, you’re OK,” to “I’m not OK, you’re not OK, and that’s OK.” The latter expression implies a recognition of the undeniable fact that we are not perfect, and we have a long way to go to achieve an semblance of perfection. At the same time, there is nothing “wrong” or “unusual” about the idea that our character may be inevitably flawed. We are, in a sense, perfectly imperfect, and our humanity is enhanced if we admit our weaknesses and thus allow ourselves the space to work at overcoming our inherent stupidities.
Okakura Kakuzo, in his classic “The Book of Tea,” notes that one of the original ideographs that signified the tearoom was one that read, “The Abode of the Unsymmetrical.” He goes on to say, “It is an abode of the Unsymmetrical inasmuch as it is consecrated to the worship of the imperfect, purposely leaving some thing unfinished for the play of the imagination to complete.” And so it is with human being. We are unfinished creatures; there is a crack in the vase; and thank God for the possibility that we may be mistaken and that the journey of life allows for a constant transformation of becoming who we truly are as our spiritual development unfolds.
Long ago, Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. Before that, one of the “Golden Sayings of Pythagoras,” states the following: “Never suffer sleep to close thy eyelids after thy going to bed, till thou hast thrice reviewed all thy actions of the day: Wherein have I done amiss? What have I done? What have I omitted that I ought to have done?”
The great Roman doctor, Galen (129-210 C. E.), puts the matter this way. “We have, as Aesop said, two wallets strapped around our neck- the one in front is full of other people’s wrongdoings, the one behind full of ours, so that we always see other people’s but are consistently unable to see our own.” He notes that Plato has observed that we are blind towards the object of our love. “Now, since each of us loves himself best of all, he must necessarily be blind with regard to himself.” Thus, how may we recognize our own errors if we cannot see them?
This is why self-improvement is so difficult. Galen recommends that we remain always open to criticism from others, especially from our elders and those who have received some measure of wisdom in the journey of life. We should consider ourselves fortunate for criticism and embrace those who are honest enough to tell us what we are doing amiss. Even if the criticism is unjust, it still affords the opportunity self-examination.
It’s a sure bet that everyone does at least three foolish things in a day. If you think otherwise you have closed the door the possibility of your own spiritual growth. However, with the courage to know this, life becomes a divine learning experience. Think of everyone you meet in a day to be the Buddha, and is there to teach you something for your own salvation. And when you do this with compassion and forgiveness, for yourself and others, you will find you will blossom with the lotus of enlightenment and fulfillment.
Puzzles
1. When Socrates was condemned to death, what was the vote tally? (How many for, and how many against?)
2. Iris sets out to cross a desert. On the first day she goes 1/10 of the way, and on the next day she goes 2/3 of the distance she went the first day. She continues this procedure, going 1/10 of the way remaining, and then 2/3 of the way she went on the previous day. At the end of the seventh day, she find she has 22.5 miles left to complete the journey. How wide is the desert?
3. Can you find two whole numbers, containing no zeros, that when multiplied together equal 1,000,000,000?
Answers to last week’s puzzles
1. $40.00
2. Invisibility