Marianas Variety

Last updateWed, 20 Dec 2017 12am

Headlines:

     

     

     

     

     

    Monday, December 18, 2017-7:35:46A.M.

     

     

     

     

     

Font Size

Settings

The elderly man by the river

ONE morning, I went for a walk on a pathway here in Puyallup. As I reached the river side I saw an elderly man sitting on a bench. He was watching those men and women fishing for salmon.

“Good morning sir,” I said to the elderly man. He replied, “Good morning young man.” I asked him, “Can I join you?” He said, “Sure.”

We started to chat. The old man said, “I usually come here to stay away from our noisy neighborhood. Also, when I’m here, my daughter won’t catch me smoking my cigarettes.”

I said, “I don’t blame you.” Then he said he wanted to tell me a joke. “Why are the cannibals afraid of clowns?” he asked.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because they taste funny.”

I laughed. Wow, I thought, this old man has a sense of humor.

“What about you?” the old man said. “Do you have a joke to share?”

“I have two jokes.” I said. “Here’s the first one. A woman goes to the doctor. ‘Doctor,’ she said, ‘I don’t know what to do. Everyday my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me.’ The doctor said, ‘I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish, but don’t swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.’ Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. She says: ‘Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished water in my mouth. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?’ The doctor says: ‘The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.’ ”

The old man laughed and laughed and said, “Holy cow, that is a good one! Maybe I should use that ‘technique’ on my daughter in case she catches me smoking.”

Then he asked, “What’s your second joke?”

I said, “A man and woman had been married for many years. Whenever they fight, they would yell at each other. ‘When I die,’ the man would say, ‘I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!’ The man died when he was 98. After he was buried, their neighbors asked the wife, ‘Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?’ The wife said, ‘Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and I know he won’t ask for direction.’ ”

The old man laughed and said to me, “You’re really a joker!” He said we should meet again one of these days.

Taotao Commonwealth, Happy Thanksgiving!

RAY AGULTO
Puyallup, Washington