DEAR readers, many of you love the sea as much as I, and a good many of you love nothing more than to spend the day on a boat with friends and family, swimming, and barbecuing. I hold in my memory one of the most amusing boat stories of all time. Stick around for a few minutes and learn how one afternoon of boating made a man’s life.
Being a good friend, Ryan often accompanied us on our boat and became an accomplished swimmer and sailor in his own right. A promising young man, he had his eye on an equally promising young woman. Their courtship progressed well and he hoped that she enjoyed the water as much as he did, and to find out, he invited her to join us on our boat. He revealed to me that her reaction to the water would be a major factor in his decision to propose to her or not, so this particular afternoon came packed with meaning, unknown to the girl of course.
Ryan wanted to marry someone who loved the water as much as he did. He did not fancy a life of boating solo. If this girl vacillated about going along, or sat on the boat quietly and unamused, it would probably be the kiss of death for their relationship.
Leaving the marina, we hit the open water at full speed, the wind whipping through our hair. My wife and I were relieved to see that the girl enjoyed herself immensely. The toothy smile on her face was a good sign that their relationship had a future. I asked if she liked the experience and she answered, “I don’t like it, I love it!” We were pleased.
We stopped the boat at a favorite swimming spot, anchored and made preparations for jumping in. Then disaster struck, for as Ryan leapt over the side, his shorts caught on a cleat just outboard of the gunwale and about three feet above the water, hanging him there like a lifeless sack of potatoes.
The cleat held his shorts firmly from the backside, just out of his reach. Try as I could to free him, he was too heavy and hung in such an awkward angle. Discussing our options, we ruled out cutting his shorts off. We suspected that his relationship would not withstand something so traumatic as him falling naked into the water in front of all of us. The humiliation would be more than he or she could bear. After several failed attempts to unshackle him, we decided the best course of action was to return to the marina and free him there.
We pulled anchor and headed in with Ryan dangling from the starboard cleat like a deep sea fishing rig. I did not go full throttle in case his shorts ripped and he fell in, so it took much longer to get back than it took to get out. For Ryan, I am sure it felt like an eternity. And oh, the humiliation! Here he was, trying to impress his girl with a manly display of swimming prowess. To dangle in full view with half his buttocks showing was not how he expected this day to go.
As we pulled into the marina, I edged alongside a jetty that allowed Ryan to grab hold and free himself from the offending cleat. His body was saved but not his honor. As we parked the boat, we gathered to discuss the day’s events, sure that Ryan’s girlfriend was finished with him.
But something unexpected came across her face, a smile. Not a polite smile or even an amused smile, but the “this is the kind of man I want to be with forever” smile. She thought the whole business was hilarious and thought Ryan handled it very well. She figured he was embarrassed and did not say anything to add to it, quite the opposite. In fact, she suggested that, since all was well and there was still plenty of daylight, we should head back out and get some swimming in.
Ryan found the love of his life on that sunny afternoon, and I am thrilled to report that they are happily married to this day.
BC Cook, PhD lived on Saipan and has taught history for 20 years. He currently resides on the mainland U.S.
