LAST week we examined a plague that grips many Pacific islands, domestic violence. Let us look at some warning signs that your partner is violent or will be. The following details are not proof that someone will be abusive, but they do indicate if someone is more likely to abuse a family member.
Age. Young abusers become old abusers, it is true. However, physical abuse is more likely to occur between the ages of 18 and 30 than at older stages of life. But do not be lulled into thinking that an older man or woman will not be abusive. Over the course of life many people learn how to control their anger or find other ways to resolve problems. However, for those who use violence as a means of control there may never be an end to the abuse.
Poverty. Families living in poverty are more likely to experience violence in the home than middle- or upper-class families. It could be a symptom of the extra stress in life, or a lack of education, or the result of a lifetime of bad decision making.
Previous involvement with domestic violence. If a person has been guilty of abusing someone in the past, they are likely to do it again. They have already demonstrated their willingness to resort to physical violence if the right motivators are there. Often a person who was abusive in the past says that they have learned their lesson, and that may be true, but just like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict, there is always the possibility of a relapse. When things go wrong or an unexpected problem develops there is often an urge to return to previous habits.
They are out of work. Unemployment creates tension within the family and more opportunities for arguments. Stress levels are increased until the person erupts. Also, abuse is often used as a means of control when a person feels like they cannot control their financial or employment situation.
Family history of violence. Statistics show that most abusers come from abusive families. If a child sees his parents hit one another there is a greater chance they will hit their partners themselves. This is especially true if the child sees that there is some benefit to violence, such as greater control over their partner or greater compliance with their wishes.
Living together versus being married. Although abuse occurs in both situations, statistics show that couples that live together experience a higher rate of physical violence than married couples.
Different cultures. Couples that come from different cultural backgrounds experience a higher rate of domestic violence than those that are culturally homogeneous. Partners who come from different cultures often experience added stress. They may feel like they do not understand each other, do not understand the reasons behind another’s actions. This results in confusion and frustration which often leads to violence.
Dr. BC Cook taught history for 30 years and is a director and Pacific historian at Sealark Exploration (sealarkexploration.org). He currently lives in Hawaii.
