By BC Cook
For Variety
A WOMAN woke up and started cooking breakfast for herself while the children played in another room. Her partner woke up and yelled at the woman for not cooking enough for the whole family and ordered her to make more. The argument continued until her temper got the best of her. She pulled the skillet off the stove and began beating the man, hitting him several times. He tried to block the blows with his arms, which only resulted in serious injuries on his hands and forearms. He suffered severe burns from the scalding skillet as well as cuts and bruises and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You may remember this true story from Saipan. The sad truth is that violence in the household is common among many cultures. It is a worldwide problem.
In Egypt, 28% of women who visit a trauma center have been beaten by their partner. In Bangkok, Thailand half of all women are beaten regularly. In Peru, 70% of all crimes reported to police involve domestic violence. In one year in Russia, almost 15,000 women were murdered by their husbands and another 56,000 were badly injured. It is ironic that we fear the stranger on the street when we have more to fear from the spouse in our bed.
While both men and women attack and are attacked, the numbers show that men are more likely to beat their partners. About 80% of domestic violence cases involve men beating women and about 20% are women attacking men. Men often use their fists while women tend to use a weapon, such as in the skillet case above. Experts agree the cases involving women attacking men is much higher but many men are reluctant to report being beaten, fearing social consequences.
Is domestic violence a personal problem or a social problem? It is both. Individuals cannot control their anger and lash out against whoever is around them, and usually that is family. But culture plays a large role in teaching that violence is acceptable. A recent study in South Africa revealed that most men claimed they did not beat their wives but most admitted to hitting them with their fists. They did not consider “punching” to be “beating.”
Another cultural signal comes from within the family. Children who grow up in abusive households often become abusers themselves. When a boy watches his father beat his mother, he learns that is the way a man handles his relations. Violence breeds violence.
Keep that in mind when dating. Ladies, get to know your boyfriend’s parents. Does his father beat his mother? Then you may be next. This leads us to two important questions: What are some warning signs to look for? What are some common misconceptions about domestic violence? Let’s take these up next time.
Dr. BC Cook taught history for 30 years and is a director and Pacific historian at Sealark Exploration (sealarkexploration.org). He currently lives in Hawaii.
