I HAVE a confession to make: I didn’t go to the CFL game last Saturday. I didn’t go because I knew the Predators would probably defeat the Blaze by a wide margin, as they have done so many times in the past.
Let’s face it: We don’t have a competitive football league out here, and something ought to be done about it. With only three measly teams in the league, the Predators dominates and the game results have become quite predictable: Predators win.
To remedy this deplorable situation, I propose that we encourage other companies and industries to get involved with the CFL. Take Duty Free, for instance. Surely, DFS could afford to sport a decent football team. We could call such a team the DFS “Tourists” or “Dynamists.”
But most of all, I would like to see the CNMI garment industry get involved in our community sporting events. Take Tan Holdings, for instance. With all of that money, enough to purchase major assets such as Verizon and Dai Ichi Hotel, surely they could afford to field a football team or two (out of their huge labor pool). Eloy Inos, the crafty and wily chairman of the Covenant Party and THC vice president, could do the recruiting: “If you play for our team, we can promise you job security at one of our many companies. Not to worry after the season is over.” If not, he could just take a shot of insulin and take the field himself.
Still, if the garment companies can’t produce teams by themselves, they could consolidate their manpower and form a collective SGMA team instead, which may reduce their operating costs. Think of the possibilities!
SGMA’s Richard A. Pierce could be made head coach, and the new garment team could be called “SGMA Scapegoats and Whipping Boys.”
Naturally, the garment team would have some rather “unique needs” and would demand to be treated accordingly. After all, where would the league be without them? To make things rather interesting, we urgently need their participation in the football league.
Take the 11-man requirement, for example. I can see our SGMA head coach arguing this valid point already. Given all the revenues they would be contributing to the league and the sport, why should the garment team be forced to have a maximum of 11 men on the field at any given time? Given the relatively small stature of their non-resident team, they would need at least 15 men to compensate for their smaller size. Surely, a waiver or two could be arranged. After all, we have to be fair to the industry if we want their participation in the league. (I am sure Predator and former DOLI Chief Mark Zachares would not object to a garment waiver in this case.)
Next on the list could be the silly 10-yard first down requirement. The SGMA team can’t make it in 10 yards. Seven yards would be fairer to the industry. The rest of the teams might be able to afford a huge and drastic 10-yard minimum first down requirement, but the garment team just can’t hack it; and if we want to keep them in the league, we sure as hell better bend the rules a little bit by giving them special consideration in light of all that they would be contributing to the sport of football in the CNMI.
Naturally, other teams would get upset and be resentful. Zaldy Dandan, the quarterback for the “Variety Reporters,” might even cry foul and lodge a protest or two, while the “Scapegoats and Whipping Boys” lobby furiously with the CFL commissioner for an exclusive 5th down privilege for the garment team, arguing that Zaldy would not even get to play QB without the garment team in the league. But that is the price we pay to have the garment team play on our soil. So be it.
Go garments! Go Garment team! Go, Chinese cheerleading squad! You go girl!
CHARLES P. REYES JR.
Gualo Rai, Saipan
