(An April Fool’s Day satire)
THE University of Naftan Rock School of Hard Knocks announces a special 2025 Political Egotistical Activist Commending Himself (P.E.A.C.H.) Award for Juan A. Mabrose of Sagman, Seewhoami.
Mabrose receives this one time only award for decades of writing his own name and multiple use of personal pronouns referring to himself over twenty to thirty times in each of many of his columns in the printed press and online.
Members of the U.N.R. School of Hard Knocks ‘Bored Award’ ad hoc committee feel Mr. Juan A. Mabrose deserves the P.E.A.C.H. award for constantly hindering his own Constitutional First Amendment Rights. His messages of advice to, for, and about politicians are filled with rant, charges of bigotry, and vitriol. Now ain’t he a “P.E.A.C.H.”?
The columns all contain repeated iterations of statements like: “I told you so,” ‘They didn’t listen to me,” “didn’t pay attention to what I said, many times….”
The committee found this rhetoric counterproductive to his work.
Another aspect of Mabrose’s writing that the ad hoc committee finds quite distracting is his grammar style. The constant use of run on sentences leaves readers lost and wondering when and where will he complete his thought. Not wishing to sound or seem like Grammar goblins, the committee (an unholy trinity composed of educators who have taught in: Juneau, AK; Pittsburgh, PA; Oregon, Louisiana, the CNMI and Magnet schools in LVNV) consulted AI sources for info.
AI info sources found that written sentences should be in a 15-word average range. In a majority of each of the last 100 articles Mabrose has written there have been three or more sentences in the 35- to 50-word range. These often lead to incomprehensibility for the average reader. Ain’t he a P.E.A.C.H.?
Finally, among various claims the egotistic activist has made about himself is, “I am a Bible scholar.”
Well, it seems he hasn’t learned Proverbs, 18:2 King James Version:
“A fool hath no delight in understanding but that his heart may discover itself.” The New Living Translation: “Fools have no interest in understanding, they only want to air their own opinions.”
The saying, “Judge not lest ye be judged.” originates from Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 7:1, where he warns against judging others, emphasizing that we will be judged by the same standard we use to judge others.
The P.E.A.C.H. Bored Award committee recalls Alexander Pope’s 1711, “An Essay on Criticism”: “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”
JOEY CONNOLLY
Garapan, Saipan
