Your Out Is My Out
By Colin Jay S. Cruz
I’ve never spoke of my coming out,
I’ve always felt that I wasn’t allowed.
But it really is an important part of me,
It’s who I am and it’s what separates me.
This is a feeling and not a choice,
One which has robbed me of my true voice.
It started out when I was just a young boy,
It never felt wrong only pure innocent joy.
I always knew there was something different about me,
I just didn’t know how it looked in society.
I’ve heard my share of true sad stories,
But never understood them and their worries.
I was only 12 when I would talk to myself,
I’d talk to God and ask for some kind of help.
It was then, when I started to realize,
That the person inside me was hard to disguise.
I would put it off like that feeling didn’t matter,
And told myself that I could take care of it later.
When I hit my time of puberty,
I could once again feel that feeling deep inside of me.
That feeling of wanting to be accepted,
By the ones that I inevitably reflected.
Culture too plays a huge part,
In expressing truly what’s inside our hearts.
I’ve tried to mask it to not embarrass my Mom,
But I’ve always felt like such a big con.
Not to shame or not even to disgrace,
But to love who you are and fully embrace.
It has never been easy through all these decades that passed,
And still it will never be easy for anyone on this path.
This path that leads to learning your worth,
Understanding your being and your purpose on Earth.
They say that God has no room for our kind,
I believe that’s toxicity trying to dilute our mind.
We are the way He has made us to be,
We are who we are, You and Me.
I’m in my 30’s and those feelings are long gone,
I’ve come to love me for me and so has my Mom.
It wasn’t easy, that night I let it all out,
But I’ve told my truth because I can’t go about.
Living with that feeling of keeping that deep secret,
Felt like living a lie and beginning to believe it.
No one can change me and that feeling for that kind of love,
And no can judge us but the Man up above.
Love is love and it comes in many forms,
Who says that there’s a certain way we have to conform?
So I stand strong and I stand proud,
I am a part of this community and I say it out loud.
Don’t make people silence you it only gets harder,
It’s true when they said “It Gets Better.”
It gets better when you express who you are,
And your story will be added to your many scars.
So listen my brothers and sisters in heart,
Don’t let anyone force you to restart.
Your life is your life and it’s just as important,
And those who don’t see that are sadly irrelevant.
Stand tall, stand proud and let it all out,
Because to live your true life, that’s where it starts.
What’s in your heart is something no one person can take,
It’s your life, not theirs, that is at stake.
Keep your head up high and look to the sky,
Because at the end of the day He is the only guy.
Keep fighting to truly be who you are,
And always keep in mind you’re not alone wherever you are.
Cha’mu sesedi otru taotao nai para un chinema’,
Lina’la-mu enao ya taya gai prublema.
Stay strong if that is truly what’s in you,
And know that God and I will always love you!
In recognition of Pride Month —a time to celebrate inclusion and diversity, while also recognizing the need to continue advocating for equal rights and opportunities for all— Marianas Variety has partnered with the Northern Marianas Humanities Council to celebrate diversity in our community. The submissions are from the Humanities Councils’ Pride Talks writing contest. The Council is pleased to collaborate with Marianas Variety in sharing and publishing the winning submissions every Wednesday for the month of June. All the winning works will also be on display at the NMI Museum and presented at various Pride events throughout the month. For more information about how you can join the Council in celebrating Pride this year, check out nmhcouncil.org or follow the Council on Facebook or Instagram (@670humanities).
NMHC Pride Talks has been made possible in part by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Humanities: Democracy Demands Wisdom. Any views, findings, conclusions or recommendations expressed in this feature do not necessarily represent those of the National Endowment for the Humanities.
