According to the Judiciary’s 2009 Annual Report, through the end of last year a total of 751 various cases were filed in the Family Court. Of that number, 280 were divorce cases, followed by 173 Family Protection Act (restraining orders), 98 guardianship, and others. There were 265 divorce cases filed on Saipan, nine on Rota, and six on Tinian, for a total of 280.
Those interviewed by this reporter were hesitant to share their experiences about their divorced parents but were willing to speak their heart out on the long term and short term effects it had on them, their studies, and their outlook on life.
The worst scenario when parents divorce is their child blaming themselves for their “broken” family. Statistics show that most suicides, alcohol abuse, and self-mutilation by teenagers after a divorce are caused by guilt and grief because he or she assumes they are to blame. Tiffany Camacho, an online student of DeVry University, confides in this reporter of her personal experience with divorce in the family. Tiffany was one out of 20 students who were willing to share their personal stories with this reporter. Tiffany said her mother and father divorced when she was seven.
“I was so young at the time, I did not understand the full extent of the divorce until my mom and I moved out of the island for two years.” Tiffany said adding that it felt odd not having to see her father for a long period of time. “I was depressed by the time we moved back to Saipan. The only person I was dying to see was my dad but he changed during the two years just as I did.” She experienced an emotional rollercoaster all throughout high school because of the divorce. “Divorce has its long term effects,” she said.
“The roughest part of it, however, was my bullying others I thought were below me just to let my anger out. In addition to that, I made an attempt at kicking the bucket because I always thought I was to blame for the divorce.” Tiffany received counseling after her suicide attempt but it did not help her. “Counseling was not providing me with relief after my suicide attempt. However, I did find relief in my cousins and friends because they were the only people I could hug, laugh with, and cry with. I’ve already come to terms with the divorce for a few years now and I’m happy.” Tiffany added.
Her advice for others out there is to never blame yourself for your parents’ divorce. “If counseling doesn’t work then try turning to those closest to you. Moreover, it will hurt seeing your parents separated but as long as they both still love you, in the end it’s all that really matters.”
Two siblings, students of Northern Marianas College, had parents who were divorced since they were a child but took the divorce hard and started robbing stores for liquor by the age of 14 with their father’s air gun. The respondents wished to remain anonymous.
“Our parents were always arguing about money,” one recalls. “It was frustrating so when they divorced we decided to show them that we could get stuff without money. We did it more out of revenge for hurting us with the divorce than to really show them a point.”
Most alcohol abuse and violent cases are widely reported as a result of divorce.
For parents, in order to avoid creating a monster, please sit down with your child or teenager and talk to them about the divorce. Your greatest mistake would be to pretend nothing has happened.
Also refrain from burdening your adolescent with your problems or using your teen as a confidant. Allow your adolescent to remain a teenager and attempt to keep the changes that you can control in your adolescent’s life to a minimum.
Typically, the mother would have custody of the children. So the father needs to participate in important activities like forming morals, helping to solve problems, enforcing consistent discipline, and reinforcing appropriate behavior. Despite the divorce, the father should always be a big part of your child’s life.
Fifteen of the 20 students I interviewed said their parents failed to talk to them, resulting in grief, guilt, and confusion throughout their adolescent lives. The five other students say they have had friends who displayed the same dangerous behaviors following a divorce.
The lack of communication led the 15 to drug usage, arrests, depression, and phases of identity crisis. The consequences, unfortunately, are not limited to what is listed here. It goes to show that higher divorce rates do lead to a higher rate of juvenile delinquency. It’s the domino effect.
