Most teenagers, at some time in their lives, will openly defy the advice and authority of their parents and other figures of authority. What parents fail to realize is that this bout of rebellion is an important phase in every adolescent’s life. But parents should know because they were teenagers at one point, right? Half right. Why?
There is a famous phrase: “Parents just don’t understand.” This is true on most cases but this philosophy also applies to the teen population as well. How? “Kids don’t understand,” is what a mom would say to another mom. “They will learn and understand once they grow up” is another famous philosophy. All prove to be true as the teen perspective and the parental perspective are totally different because each person is in different stages of their lives. Fact is, adults spend the rest of their lives as adults and tend to forget how it is like to be a teenager. Teens spend a few years of their lives as teens and are just discovering adulthood. This is the ultimate difference.
What teens and parents fail to do is balance the differences out through communication. This imbalance results in conflict between both parties. Parents mean well when they discipline their child by forbidding them to go out with friends, sleeping over at a friend’s house, or grounding them when they commit a household crime. They do not intend to make anyone’s lives miserable but to protect their offspring. But do teens realize this? Hardly. Typically, teenagers see their parents as the enemy and themselves as their prisoner of war and at this point he or she would rebel.
Variety interviewed some high school students and they say that heavy restraints do not help to discipline them. “Honestly, when my mom grounds me for two months for coming home one hour late, I would sneak out. Sometimes I don’t understand what my parents want from me because the severity of punishment is too much,” says a Saipan Southern sophomore who asked to remain anonymous.
With this example, the sophomore does not see the severity of her crime. Instead she sees the parent as being wrong because she was misled as she grew up. She confirmed that her household lacked communication and her parents prefer to punish instead of listen to an explanation.
How is this problem solved?
The problem is solved using an ancient art called “positive verbal communication.” In other words, talk to each other and reach a compromise without aggravating the each other. Communication was mentioned earlier in the article. The key to an excellent relationship between parent and child is to know each other and talk, talk, talk!
Studies prove that adolescents are less likely to cause trouble and rebel when he or she is emotionally close to their family through positive verbal and physical communication. However, even with a good relationship, rebellion will spark at some point so parents should not expect a perfect child. Always keep in mind parents that you should always allow your teen to make their own mistakes and stay firm when they ask for your help. Let him or her learn to fix problems on their own as they enter adulthood. They will thank you and you will thank yourself later.
In conclusion, the mistake starts when there is no communication between teen and parent and when parent pulls out the belt without knowing how their child feels deep inside from the get go. The rebellion phase is commonly a result from heavy restraints from the parent but it can also be a sign that the adolescent is finding themselves and wants to become their own person.